Kana's Chronicles

Life in Kana-text (er… CONtext)

looking for answers...

Why is it…that when our digital devices are syncing, we don’t throw them life preservers?

Why is it…that everyone has a “bucket list” of things they want to do, but nobody talks about the Fuckit List of the shit they’ve decided not to bother with?

Why is it…that people don’t come with the “Cool” button I press on my hair-dryer when I want it to stop blowing hot air?

Why is it…that my own mouth doesn’t come with a “Backspace” button? I guess that’s why we learn to make amends…

Backspace... OOPS

Why is it…that identical side-by-side outhouses at campgrounds always have “Men’s” and “Women’s” signs on them? Is this a nod to important cultural norms, that when you’re shitting in the woods, you’re still doing it in a Ladies’ Room?

And why is it…that when the Ladies’ Room is occupied, a woman will do a public pee-pee dance in front of that door before she’ll think to use the identical (empty) restroom next to it?

Why is it…that my husband hoards receipts for things we’ll never return, like groceries and tattoos?

Why is it…that the day I decided to sign on for Idaho’s 8-year driver’s license, I didn’t consider that I’d be haunted for nearly a decade by the photo of myself with glasses and braces and pregnant fat-face and a wretched DIY haircut?

Why is it…that the English language doesn’t have a word for the specific energy created by a half-dozen teenage boys coming into the house?

impoRtant stuff...

Why is it…that the spin-the-bottle app from Apple is titled God Decide? Have we reduced God to a Magic 8-Ball?

Why is it…that the parking meters in front of our A.A. Home-group don’t take sobriety-coins?

Why is it…that Ben Gay feels just like the toothpaste tube in the dark? Whole new meaning to “hot lips”…

Why is it…that the Autocorrect Autocrat in my “Smart” phone insists on the word “its” always having an apostrophe? It also insists that Hell should be he’ll, groin should be ground, stop should be sot, marry should be nasty [wtf?!] and sobriety should be sorbet… I think my spell-check is trying to convey some passive-aggressive opinions about my life.

Why is it…that camo comes in pinks? Has urban warfare made it to Barbie’s Dreamhouse?

Why is it…that camo doesn’t come in the baby-spit-and-spills pattern that every new mommy could actually make use of?

38 thoughts on “Hunting for Answers in Pink Camo: Why is it…

  1. corey9 says:

    Amen to a lot of those sister, especially the camo comment! With my one month old that would be so useful!

    Like

  2. Mickey Mills says:

    hahahahaaa….

    Parking meter! Yeah, we’re kind big on irony around here.

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  3. Ship's Cook says:

    Fuckit list, wish I’d thought of that!

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  4. Chatter Master says:

    Brilliant. I could use the back space key for my mouth!

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  5. I think I’ll draw up a fuckit list today!

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  6. Kristina says:

    Good point! :D

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  7. …backspace key for my mouth and a few other body parts, I tell ya. :) I’ve been known to use the other restroom in a pinch, especially when there’s hardly ever a line for the men’s room. I’m all for practicality! The cherished Andy Rooney lives on in your post!

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  8. The pink camo has me confused as well. What is it camoflagued from – the pepto bottle?

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  9. Excellent! I love the way your mind works. Thnaks for the giggles.

    Susan

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  10. I meant Thanks, not “Thnaks”

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  11. Pat says:

    So funny…so true!

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  12. Fraha says:

    I liked the bucket list compared to the “fuckit” list..lmao

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  13. Very funny, Kana. You have a quick and apt mind!

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  14. kitdunsmore says:

    On my Fuckit List: Rock-climbing, sky-diving, climbing Mt. Everest, sailing solo around the world (or anywhere really — I get super sea sick).

    I also loved the thing about your driver’s license. I made the same sort of goof when I realized it was the last day I could get my driver’s license and ran to the DMV without bathing or even combing my hair. You might thing a shower wouldn’t make a difference to a photo but believe me, you can tell.

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  15. My ex used to wear pink camo at every opportunity. Evil stuff. I much prefer blue camo myself.

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  16. trailblazer1 says:

    “Why is it…that the spin-the-bottle app from Apple is titled God Decide? Have we reduced God to a Magic 8-Ball?” God has not only been reduced, He’s been annihilated, Next year, CA schools will teach homosexual history to . . . . kindergarden kids. Now I’m spinning.

    BTW – jokes on me, I couldn’t find anything in the app about God.

    Like

  17. Why is it….that I LOVED this post? Because you are extremely funny…and everything you said was TRUE!
    So happy to be subscribing to your blog!

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  18. Love the idea of the Fuckit List! I’m gonna make one :)

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  19. Great thoughts.
    I have nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award.!

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  20. LOL – Fuckit List. I’m so gonna borrow that!

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  21. Excellent questions, all.

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  22. John says:

    There’s enough people circling like vultures around everyone’s lives that we also need a Suckit List.

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  23. A few years ago I began a “Forget It!” list. It has never let me down.

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  24. lol lol lol! I just love the way your mind works. You think of things I don’t but then I sit here reading it going, yes yes yes!! Never stop writing! x

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  25. the chebec says:

    Keep asking questions. That’s what we do in the Episcopal Church.

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  26. D.J. Lutz says:

    Absolutely loved this post. I may have to borrow some of them, but will give credit! On the down side, I will now have to check the receipts from the tattoo shop to see what their return policy is. I may be in trouble!

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  27. Loved this! I would like to know more funny and smart women/moms/wives who don’t sugar coat their world before presenting for public consumption. I tend to crave salty or spicy.

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  28. Talk to me...I'm your Mother says:

    Love it all!

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  29. Rose says:

    Oooh, Oooh! Can I make a fuckit list? Keepng receipts for tattoos is especially hillarious!

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  30. clarbojahn says:

    Yes, count me in the Fuck it list. I’m definitely going to make one. And a forget it list. Lower down on the priorities even LOL. Made my day.

    Like

  31. Tess Kann says:

    Never thought of a Fuck-it List. Always thought it had to be a bucket list. Too much pressure. I’m gonna do a Fuck-it-List instead. Thanks for the GREAT idea.

    Like

  32. emmiemears says:

    Pahahaha! This cracked me up…especially the outhouse bit. I think many Montanans/Idahoans could agree that once you’ve had to dig your own hole, a door with a decal becomes more or less superfluous.

    Like

  33. That spelling check is inspiring… :).

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  34. Great questions…I have so many issues with my phone correcting words. Now it decided to finish my sentences for me too…Thanks for the post!

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  35. caridwen says:

    Right… my post tomorrow is definitely going to be my fuckit list!!! You are fabby, on a near-epic scale. So glad I stumbled on your blog!!

    Like

  36. The Bus Driver says:

    hahahaha – great post! I’m big on the fuckit list myself. Everybody should have one. We’d all be MUCH happier!

    Like

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