Kana's Chronicles

Continuing my Weird Lists project…

If you know what’s funny about these, you probably have OCD, or ADD, or … maybe you live with someone who does!

Yesterday my psych-doc seemed inclined to add A.D.D. to the alphabet-soup of my Mental Health Diagnoses… And if I’d had any doubts, I think I have my confirmation in how many of the ADD jokes hit home!

Sayings I Could Wear on a T-shirt (Mental Health Edition)

The Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Wardrobe…

• I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.
• I don’t have OCD, I just have a very specific order in which I like to do things.
• The only reason I check my voicemail is to get rid of the little icon on my screen.
• I’m not really a control freak BUT… can I show you the right way to do that?
• I adore spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned.
• As long as everthing’s exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.
• I hate it when I plan my day and no one follows the script.
• I could stop being a control freak if other people could stop screwing stuff up.
• Hand sanitizer is a gateway drug for OCD
• If you’re OCD and you know it wash your hands.
• The first rule of OCD Club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules.

The Attention Deficit Disorder Wardrobe…

• If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.
• I wish I could sleep but my ADD kicks in and… one sheep, two sheep, cow turtle, duck, hey Macarena!
• “Attention Deficit Disorder” should be called “Attention to lots & lots & lots of things & some other stuff except the one thing I should really be paying attention to Disorder”
• I don’t have a short attention span. You have a short interesting span.
• “On a scale of one to ten, how focused are you?” “Banana!”
• ask me about my ADD or pie or my cat. a dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. hi.
• My brain is like an internet browser. 12 tabs are open. 5 of them are not responding. There’s a gif playing in an endless loop, popups everywhere… And where is that annoying music coming from?

The Bipolar Wardrobe…

• I have lots of great personality traits. Or, as my doctor calls them… symptoms.
• Bipolar? I prefer the term “emotionally action-packed”
• Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.
• My house would never be clean if it weren’t for my manic episodes.
• My moods don’t swing. They bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally pirouette.
• I have two moods: 1) Sleep is for the weak. 2) Sleeping for a week.
• I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

The Borderline Personality Wardrobe…

• Half of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings
• I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”
• “Why did you do that?” I don’t know, it made sense back then.
• If you can’t handle me at my worst, I understand. I can’t either.
• I feel a spree coming on. Whether it’s shopping or killing is up to you.
• I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.
• My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…
• It’s okay, I’m as confused by me as you are

The Multiple-Diagnosis Wardrobe…

• I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect… but not for very long.
• I have OCD. But I only clean things when I’m in the mood because I’m also bipolar.
• Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
• Today’s forecast… Manic with a slight chance of bat shit crazy.

And my favorite: I don’t go crazy. I AM crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

(Or NOT…)

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What makes these funny are the TRUTHS behind them… But I have to note that I found a heavier ratio of truth-to-funny in the quips about Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not sure if I’m just more sensitive because BPD causes me the most struggles, or if those jokes are actually a little sadder.  I can’t tell from where I sit… So… you tell me.

[Really. I’m interested to hear. Room for comments below…]