Posted in Lists, Mental Health

Put it on a T-Shirt: Mental Health Edition (List#2)

I hate being bipolar it's awesomeContinuing my Weird Lists project…

If you know what’s funny about these, you probably have OCD, or ADD, or … maybe you live with someone who does!

Yesterday my psych-doc seemed inclined to add A.D.D. to the alphabet-soup of my Mental Health Diagnoses… And if I’d had any doubts, I think I have my confirmation in how many of the ADD jokes hit home!

Sayings I Could Wear on a T-shirt (Mental Health Edition)

The Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Wardrobe…

  • I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.
  • I don’t have OCD, I just have a very specific order in which I like to do things.
  • The only reason I check my voicemail is to get rid of the little icon on my screen.
  • OCD reptile dysfunctionI’m not really a control freak BUT… can I show you the right way to do that?
  • I adore spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned.
  • As long as everthing’s exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.
  • I hate it when I plan my day and no one follows the script.
  • I could stop being a control freak if other people could stop screwing stuff up.
  • Hand sanitizer is a gateway drug for OCD
  • If you’re OCD and you know it wash your hands.
  • The first rule of OCD Club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules.

The Attention Deficit Disorder Wardrobe…

  • If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.
  • I wish I could sleep but my ADD kicks in and… one sheep, two sheep, cow turtle, duck, hey Macarena!
  • ADD got nothing done today“Attention Deficit Disorder” should be called “Attention to lots & lots & lots of things & some other stuff except the one thing I should really be paying attention to Disorder”
  • I don’t have a short attention span. You have a short interesting span.
  • “On a scale of one to ten, how focused are you?” “Banana!”
  • ask me about my ADD or pie or my cat. a dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. hi.
  • My brain is like an internet browser. 12 tabs are open. 5 of them are not responding. There’s a gif playing in an endless loop, popups everywhere… And where is that annoying music coming from?

The Bipolar Wardrobe…

  • bipolar brain humorI have lots of great personality traits. Or, as my doctor calls them… symptoms.
  • Bipolar? I prefer the term “emotionally action-packed”
  • Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.
  • My house would never be clean if it weren’t for my manic episodes.
  • My moods don’t swing. They bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally pirouette.
  • I have two moods: 1) Sleep is for the weak. 2) Sleeping for a week.
  • I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

The Borderline Personality Wardrobe…

  • I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since thenHalf of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings
  • I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”
  • Why did you do that?” I don’t know, it made sense back then.
  • If you can’t handle me at my worst, I understand. I can’t either.
  • I feel a spree coming on. Whether it’s shopping or killing is up to you.
  • I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.
  • My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…
  • It’s okay, I’m as confused by me as you are

The Multiple-Diagnosis Wardrobe…

  • I've got PMS OCD and ADDI have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect… but not for very long.
  • I have OCD. But I only clean things when I’m in the mood because I’m also bipolar.
  • Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
  • Today’s forecast… Manic with a slight chance of bat shit crazy.

And my favorite: I don’t go crazy. I AM crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

(Or NOT…)


fine line between genius & crazyWhat makes these funny are the TRUTHS behind them… But I have to note that I found a heavier ratio of truth-to-funny in the quips about Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not sure if I’m just more sensitive because BPD causes me the most struggles, or if those jokes are actually a little sadder.  I can’t tell from where I sit… So… you tell me.

[Really. I’m interested to hear. Room for comments below…]

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Author:

I am... a writer, an explorer, a coffee-drinker, a recovering addict, a barefoot linguist, a book-dragon ("bookworm" doesn't cover it), a raconteur, a sailboat skipper, a research diver, a tattooed scholar, a pirate, a poet, a spiritual adventurer, a photographer, a few kinds-of-crazy, a joyful wife, a mom... a list-maker! :)

8 thoughts on “Put it on a T-Shirt: Mental Health Edition (List#2)

  1. I agree that the BPD comments are less humorous than the others…more a cry for help than an overstated description of symptoms — whereas the ADD comments made me laugh out loud.
    I’ll ponder this some more…

    Liked by 1 person

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