The User’s Manual: 13 Rules

Joshua Pantalleresco, who recently had me as a guest on his podcast, “Just Joshing,” has ten Life Rules he tries to live by. I asked, after we went off the air, and he rattled them off for me. Number One is “Show up;” Number Ten is choose the option that’s more fun (all other things being equal). And there’s Number Eight—the one that had caught my attention in the first place— “Stay Uncomfortable.” His rules are clearly the result of studying his own life, and how he’s choosing to live it.

The things I think my “handbook” might have said, if God had given me one.

Thirteen has always been my lucky number…

(1) Smile. A smile should be the “default setting.”

(2) Be honest. Whatever I am, I need to BE that, honestly. Being honest with myself (that’s sometimes the most challenging—we addicts are old hands at deceiving ourselves), being straightforward and open with others. Being vulnerable with honesty.

(4) Be willing to be uncomfortable. This one I stole from Josh, though I’m framing it a little differently. I don’t think a person needs to spend ALL her time in discomfort, but I do know that rewarding experiences stem from willingness to step outside my comfort zone. Pushing myself past what I already know, trying new things out, being willing to step into an unknown situation without a failsafe or an escape hatch or a net devised. Just trying it.

(6) Make room for God’s plans. I’m always trying to plan my moments and control the details and the narrative—but things rarely turn out the way I plan them. Luckily for me, God’s plans are always better than Kana’s! …but it’s a lot easier on Kana when I allow for his plans in the first place, instead of always insisting on following my own!

(7) Wherever I am, BE there. Don’t waste life by not paying attention to it. I should practice being present, collecting experiences, collecting stories, curating my own story of the journey.

(10) Don’t waste what God gives. This one is a matter of stewardship. I’m thinking especially of making healthy choices, so as not to waste the body and life God gave me (smoking, for example, was a habit that threatened to waste what God gave me), but there are broader applications as well. As one of the Girl Scout laws puts it, “Use resources wisely.”

(11) Say Thank You. I mean specifically, say thanks to God. Not only is it good manners, but it highlights the blessings in my own mind, when I take the moment to say thanks for them.

(13) The road is better SHARED. It’s why I’m grateful for my journey-mate, Jon! Our marriage means built-in fellowship and a ready-made travel companion…

Maybe a year from now, I’ll be short-handing some of these just by mentioning the rule number. On NCIS, a main character, Gibbs, had a list of rules that his team came to know, and would quote just by their numbers. They’d just say to each other, things like “Rule 39!” (Which meant, “There’s no such thing as coincidence.”) I’m thinking number Twelve is likely to get quoted in such a fashion, in those moments when I need to get my act together and get with it. I can picture barking“Rule 12!’ at myself.

I guess the real question is whether these rules will change my behaviors in any way. I mean, what I’ve articulated here are the ways I already try to live my life—I just hadn’t solidified them into “rules” before this. I suppose my hope is that the process of thinking them through, and writing them down, will reinforce the tendencies that were already there—and yes, I’ll have them as a reminder when I need to shout “Rule 12!’ at myself. Perhaps I’ll use them as a way to explain my choices and behaviors, even the ones I made before I wrote down the rules. The next time someone comments that I’m “always smiling,” I’ll be able to tell them it’s my First Rule.