Kana's Chronicles

Life in Kana-text (er… CONtext)

This is a public service announcement, at the behest of my ex-husband, who feels it’s critical that everyone should know the following facts (especially our children, ages 7 & 10, in front of whom the Ex and his live-in girlfriend screamed this diatribe in my husband’s face last Friday):

“You are a Drunken Fucking Waste!  Both of you.” “You’re probably drunk right now, and you two shouldn’t even be allowed to see our kids. You’re just a drunken waste, what a Drunken Fucking Waste!”

(Ordinarily I would apologize for the language, but since it’s not mine, I’ll pass on performing that politeness.)

It’s important that the record be set straight (especially for the benefit of the children’s hearing), because evidently I may have bamboozled some of you with my smooth talking into thinking that I am a Decent Human Being. (Or, as the Ex said to the custody mediator last summer: “She LOOKS respectable!”–but that’s clearly a facade.)

In Reality, you should understand, a person who has maintained Sobriety for more than thirteen months (and whose two-week 2010 Relapse after a previous 22 Sober months did NOT happen in the presence of the children) is, in fact, a Drunken Fucking Waste.  A person who, along with her husband, registers a 0.00 reading on an Alco-Sensor at every hand-off of the children for thirteen months is, in fact, probably drunk right now.  Because she is, after all, a Drunken Fucking Waste. Probably the Alco-Sensor can’t be trusted, and that should definitely be investigated.

Related side notes include the important fact that the Live-In Girlfriend with anger management issues should properly refer to the children (who describe her as a “mean yeller” who is “sometimes scary”) as HER kids, to the exclusion of their mother. Additionally, the children themselves should be educated on the issue that their Stepfather of several years is NOT a member of their family, and they should not refer to him as such. He is (and they have now been informed, in these exact words) a Drunken Fucking Waste.

To continue setting the record straight: the parent who has displayed a regular pattern of driving drunk (who has, in fact, had to clean his own vomit off the side of his car after puking out the window while the car was in motion) is in no way a threat to the children’s safety because he is Not An Alcoholic.  He has never been caught driving drunk, so he can not pose a safety threat.  In actual fact, the Imminent and Continual Threat to the Children’s Safety is posed by the parent who was arrested for drunk driving several years ago, because (despite the irrelevant fact of her continued and demonstrated Sobriety) she is An Alcoholic. Otherwise known as a Drunken Fucking Waste.

We should also cover some procedural issues, such as the Proper Protocol in a dangerous situation such as when the children climb into their Sober Stepfather’s car on a Friday Evening after testing for their new levels of karate belts, which they are excited to go home and celebrate.  In this case, the accepted Emergency Procedure to ensure the safety and the emotional well-being of the children is as follows:

  1. The Non-Alcoholic Father should block the vehicle of the Sober Alcoholic Stepfather (as well as the rest of the parking lot’s traffic) by positioning another vehicle behind it.  The Non-Alcoholic Father should then approach the Sober Stepfather with clenched fists and other aggressive body language, and shout at him that he is probably drunk, and the kids aren’t going anywhere with him.  (Note: trivial matters such as court-ordered custody schedules should be ignored at times like this, because Rules should not apply to a Superior Person who is not a Drunken Fucking Waste.)
  2. The Live-In Girlfriend should then haul the children out of the Sober Stepfather’s back seat, and herd them into the other vehicle. (Note: for additional effectiveness in ensuring the children’s emotional well-being, the windows of this vehicle should be rolled down so the children can hear and witness the entire following scene.)  When the children have been safely extracted, she should SLAM the door of the Sober Stepfather’s vehicle, and announce to him that “It’s a piece of shit, just like you!”
  3. The Non-Alcoholic Father should announce (maximizing his effectiveness by yelling his lines of dialogue) that “You’re probably drunk right now! The kids aren’t going anywhere with you [see note above] unless you blow in the breathalyzer right now!” (Note: the fact that the Sober Stepfather has NO legal obligation to provide breathalyzer readings, but has religiously done so as a courtesy, should not be taken into account.)
  4. When the Sober Stepfather inquires, “If I blow in the breathalyzer, will you let the keikis go?” the Non-Alcoholic Father should refuse to answer the question. It is a much more effective approach to continue yelling, “Blow! Just blow!” (Note: when the children’s grandmother–the mother of the Non-Alcoholic Father, pleads with her son to back down, and points out that the Sober Stepfather is the one being polite, she should be ignored.)
  5. When the Sober Stepfather chooses to use the breathalyzer (rather than call the police) to diffuse the situation for the children’s sake, the Live-in Girlfriend should do her part by yelling at him while they wait for the machine to warm up: “You two shouldn’t even be allowed to see our children!  You are such a waste, both of you, you’re such a Drunken Fucking Waste!”
  6. the proud new Black Belt... when he THOUGHT he was about to go home and celebrate

    When the Alco-Sensor shows its reading of 0.00, as it has for the past thirteen months (that really does need to be looked into), the Non-Alcoholic Father should announce that he is going to explain to the children what this was all about before he lets them go.  When the Sober Stepfather answers, “That’s fine with me; we’ve always been very open with them about our alcoholism and our recovery,” the Non-Alcoholic father should respond, “Well I’M going to tell them the TRUTH!” (Note: while the Non-Alcoholic Father is in the car with the children–and the windows finally rolled up–this is a good time for the Live-In Girlfriend to get in a few more repetitions of “You’re just a Drunken Fucking Waste!”)

  7. When the children return to the Sober Stepfather’s car and the Sober Stepfather says “Thank you” to the Non-Alcoholic Father, the Non-Alcoholic Father should respond with a threat: “Yeah keep smiling, I’m going to wipe that smile off your face real soon!”

If the children return home to their mother (who has been working, and is eagerly awaiting a celebration of their newly earned karate belts) and burst in the door to cling to her and cry, then the mission has been accomplished.  And when the kids end up in the counselor’s office the next week–well, it’s clearly because their Mother is an alcoholic.

An Alcoholic can be Sober, but there’s no ‘A.A.’ for Assholes!

85 thoughts on “13 Months of Sobriety are Irrelevant–I Am a ‘Drunken Waste’

  1. amen to that last statement. those words made my heart ache for your children. actually, it made me mad, too, that they had to see that and witness it. sounds like your husband handled it the best he could. i sure hope things get better for you and your family.


    1. ps. you are NONE of those names she labeled you with.


  2. Geez. If I could think of something useful or helpful to say, I surely would. I do think you are a brilliant writer and a courageous woman.


  3. TheMindOfFreya says:

    This is such a sad and heartbreaking situation for your kids. And as parents, you and your Husband must be so disappointed and angry. Those other two should be ashamed. What they are doing is so abusive to to the children. My best advise is to continue to be the better ‘man’ as it were. Keep your cool as best you can and perhaps let legal councel in on what happened? You should not be left to defend on your own. Sending strength. Xx


  4. Gosh, I’m so sorry you, your husband, and children had to go through this. Congratulations on your sobriety of 13 months. You have plenty to be proud of, my friend.


  5. Widdershins says:

    This has more suckitude than I can ever put words to. Some folks are just a waste of oxygen.

    To Keoni … Sir, you are a gentleman. Consider yourself eHugged!


  6. You know the truth and your children do, too. Sending lots of support.


  7. Emmie Mears says:

    This breaks my heart. I want to punch ex/girlfriend in the face.


  8. jeanraffa says:

    I’m inspired by your ability to turn a nasty situation into a positive and really quite humorous lesson. In facing your shadow honestly and openly and doing something creative with it, you are transforming yourself into a rock who rocks!

    A quote came to mind as I read your post:

    “It’s where we go, and what we do when we get there, that tells us who we are.” ~Joyce Carol Oates

    With admiration for the journey your soul has been called to take and what you’re doing with it,



  9. riatarded says:

    Wow love, I don’t even know what to say. What a !@$#^^$% seriously! WTF! (I apologize for the use of coarse language) Hmmm, I hope everything will get better. Stay strong. You are an awesome human being and everyone has their flaws.

    He really shouldn’t have said this, especially in front of the kids.


  10. You tell it like it is, Kana! Hug the kids, close–they know what’s what. The rest is just BS.


  11. Wow. Just…. wow. I’m so sorry to hear this. Here’s another eHug for Keoni. It doesn’t take long for children to figure out the truth, they always do. Looks like yours already have. Kudos to Keoni for taking the high road, difficult though it likely is. Maybe Non-Alcoholic should also be “required” to prove his sobriety. Again, the kids will figure it out, and they will start protesting having to go. Warm wishes and prayers your and Keoni’s way.


  12. Kyle says:

    good for you!


  13. This is terrible Kana,… just had to respond. So sorry. You and Keoni must be hurting right now. You’re 13 months sober, but still unreliably alcoholic? That’s unfair. Me, I’m a bottle of wine worse for wear as I write, yet in the eyes of society in no need of attention. I get you. But listen, I read your blog because you’re you’re equally the most challenged and yet the most grounded and inspirational person I (virtually) know, so don’t let this dent your attitude or your magnanimity, dragon lady. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    As for that black belt – way to go! I’m fifty one and still working towards mine (in Kung Fu, would you believe it?). That boy’s got me beat, and good on him! My respects.




  14. hopeseguin says:

    Oh, Kana.

    God bless your children – and you – and the wise step-father.

    Lifting you in prayer. You are doing all of the right things – under very trying circumstances. [That’s an understatement, isn’t it??!!]

    Children aren’t stupid (although they can be manipulated) and it is obvious they know your love and concern. You are a marvelous mother – and they have a very discerning and wise step-father.

    Will keep you in prayer. [I’m one of those who believes that God desires our prayers and He listens and He certainly wants the best for us.]


  15. tmso says:

    Oh dear. I’m sorry that the kids had to go through that. I do hope the Class A Assholes get struck by some random lightning one day.

    Stay Strong.


  16. Karen Syed says:

    Dear God in heaven. I had no idea you were such a drunken fucking waste…oh wait…that can’t be right…You’re NOT!! Perhaps the NON-alcholic Father should stick his screaming head up the snarky live-in girlfriends ass and get a good healthy look at what his life is really worth. I’m just saying.

    The good news is…your kids will be fine cause they have a truly spectacular mom and stepdad.

    WIth most warm hugs to you,


  17. Beth Parker says:

    (((hugs))) I am really proud of Keoni for remaining calm and not giving in to their BS. Kids know.

    (((more hugs)))


    1. Beth Parker says:

      Oh and big congrats for the kids’ black belts!!!!! Celebrate!


  18. Anonymous says:

    God bless your kiddos.


  19. rumpydog says:

    It is a family disease, and your ex- chose to live with an active alcoholic for a reason. I’m really sad that your kids have to suffer. I’m glad that they have one stable adult support in their lives. Trust me, it will make a difference.


  20. gkinnard says:

    I am so sorry you had to go through this, Kana! I’m glad you guys didn’t take the bait and send the real losers into orbit! This kind of thing done in front of kids hurts like hell—especially since you guys have gone beyond the call of duty to make visitation work. (I spent years in visitation hell myself, so I understand.)

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband (a real keeper!), and your kids as well.

    Always keep in mind that shit has a guaranteed way of coming back to haunt a person—whether in this world or another.

    Your blogger friend, George Kinnard


  21. Angie Z. says:

    Completely heart-breaking to read. You are definitely taking the high road with your sobriety and the way you and your husband are dealing with this. I’m thankful your children have that as a model. Those labels are vicious and I hope you don’t believe a word of it.


  22. D.J. Lutz says:

    The amazing thing is that people forget, or just don’t realize, that kids aren’t stupid. No matter what either set of “parents” may say, the kids see what people do – and that tells the real story. Congrats to you on your recovery, as well as being able to handle such anger.


  23. Miranda Gargasz says:

    It may not feel like it now but the kids will know later where the truth is. So sorry that your little ones had to be privy to that. That was just terrible. Brings back many bad memories. Bless your hubby’s heart for being the better man.


  24. Dienna says:

    He sounds like an ex for a good reason. The nerve of him and the woman he’s now with trying to poison your kids against you like that!

    Be proud of your sobriety, and of your kids getting their black belts.


  25. Chatter Master says:

    Congratulations to the new belt ranks! Black belt is an incredible achievement!!!! Congratulations on whatever made you leave the Non Alcoholic Asshole. Congratulations on seeing the beauty and love in Keoni. Congratulations to you both for knowing what is important.

    Sorry you all had to deal with this. But I suspect that you are already on the upswing and making life adjustments to celebrate all of the good things!!!!


  26. So sorry Kana. Your kids are so lucky to have you and Keoni. You are all in my prayers.


  27. Your ex needs to be smacked. Hard.


  28. Dearest Kana, our hearts are with you…so sorry to hear of this direct fire from the enemy. But you are surrounded by love and support. Thank you for being so real and so strong – you are an inspiration. And heaven help those who need A.A. for assholes, for their meetings are scheduled for a very hot day…


  29. John says:

    You don’t need me to say this because it seems you both know how to deal with angry and illogical assholes, but I’m gonna say it anyway: Taking the High Road is always the right path – even if those blinded by their own bitterness can’t understand this simple and powerful truth.


  30. Mickey Mills says:

    There is not a lot of traffic on the high road.

    In my experience, children are not blind and have an uncanny ability to see and remember the truth regardless of the BS that’s being fed them.

    There are a few valuable things that I have learned in my nearly 25 years sober.

    1- What other people think of me is none of my business.

    2- Acceptance does not mean approval. (You don’t have to like it)

    3- The truth shall set you free (but first it shall piss you off)

    4- It’s all small stuff

    Ya done good, kiddo!


  31. lesliehobson says:

    I agree with John completely. Down the road, those who take the high road will always win out and those who dwell in negativity and bitterness have nothing but a bad taste in their mouths. “You lose ground when you sling mud” (Adali Stevenson) And what a great lesson for those kids – the strongest man is the one who is calm in the face of fools and aggression.


  32. Sunshine says:

    Oh my. What I have come to learn is eventually the children will grow up and you know what? They figure who the real caring parents are and who are the ones with zip for parental skills. Don’t worry Kana, ignore the obstacles and just continue to pour love onto your kids and your family. God will take care of the rest. ~Blessings to you and your family


  33. Fraha says:

    So sorry to hear this Kana, especially because the children are involved. Everyone makes mistakes in their life and you are trying very hard to not make those mistakes again and you and your family need the support to carry you above the past. I’m glad that you turned to your blogging family as you have a ton of support here. Don’t let the others take the best of you, continue to rise above them. God Bless you and your family.


  34. cinnageek says:

    Oh sweety. :( ~hugs~

    My dad was an Alchoholic. And he was a very mean one. However, I always understood that it wasn’t him, it was what happened when he drank. He sobered up when I was about 8. I never held it against him in anyway. Kids can see the truth in a situation. And while they may have their moments of upset, they know what is going on better then most adults think.

    Your kids know you love them and know that you are working hard at being the best parent you can be. Don’t let those who are twisted inside hurt you. They have their own issues obviously, and if they can’t be big enough people to deal with it properly then that isn’t your fault. And if they can’t be adult enough to be polite then they aren’t really worth the energy to worry over. You are doing what is best for you and your kids. You are travelling the right road. The universe will see that and eventually things will be set right.



  35. Talk to me...I'm your Mother says:

    Kana, I wish I could hug you all. I am happy for you and your husband…and for your children…that you can continue to provide a stable, open place for them. Sometimes it’s hard for children to accept what their life is and it can be damaging. However, with your loving care of them, they will accept and thrive, just as you are.

    Congratulations on 13 months. We are all with you and your family,.


  36. Life Student says:

    Wow, good for your husband to give back calm for such crazy anger.
    Well, we know who has the real problem. I am sorry that any and all of you had to go through this. Carry on!


  37. Oh, Kana – what a trial for you & your family. I can’t really know how hard this is for you, but I have a glimpse of understanding now that I ‘got it’ that there’s more to the equation than just the people with the ‘ism’s.’ How horrible for the world that all those codependents and enablers are unleashed upon the world with no ‘program to work’ to heal the crazy they got going on. (I say this with a small dollop of sarcasm.) How ironic it will be should the ex and his gf ever realize just how dysfunctional they really are and how much they contribute to the legacy being passed on to your kids. Stand firm in your recovery. Because you choose to move forward for yourself and your kids, unfortunately ‘something’ in this world does not want you to succeed. That certainly doesn’t have to stop you.


  38. Joseph M Kurtenbach says:

    Dear Kana,

    I have never known a DFW before. And now, via your wonderful blog, I am getting to know two, along with their very special and fortunate kids. I’m honored.


  39. M Vitalis says:

    Since I came across your blog, I have admired not only how talented you are as a writer but also as a mother. You are an example to many of us, regardless of the past, because what matters is the present. In my opinion, you are an amazing mother. God bless you.


  40. Lare Reapala says:

    On the day Saddam Hussain was hung his eyes widened when he saw the rope. Most people think he asked for a break, or apologized asking if they would reconsider. They are wrong. He asked: “where did you get the rope, how much did you pay? I could get it for you for wholesale.” See, some people just don’t get it and continue to not be present in the drama of their own lives. The ex and the girlfriend are just such people. I congratulate you for handling it so well… those who would have called her the “C-word,” and punched him would have fallen for the trap the bastard was setting. Remember some people create a space hoping you would take the bait and step into it. Avoiding it will keep you strong, and safe and something only a sane sober parent would be able to do.


  41. Kate Kresse says:

    Kana…my heart foes out to you, and the kids and ‘the sober step-father’….i don’t know how you are so very strong. i pray that all of you are strengthened through your little support system….i am so very sorry. the poor children, especially. I couldn’t click “like” because i don’t like at a what you are going through. i do like your ability to hang tough through a traumatic situation. I wish you love….


  42. pamelazimmer says:

    WOW! That is just wrong, in every way. No children should be subjected to the issues of such anger, and all the other BS your Ex seems to be holding onto – I’m sorry yours had to experience that. Stay strong, my friend. <3


  43. jodiepodie says:

    I have an ex who is also an arsehole, and his behaviour over the years has never been for the benefit of our daughter, it has only ever been to screw me over. I saw a counsellor years ago and when I expressed my concerns over what my daughter was going through and how it was affecting her she said the following; “You are an open mother and clearly care greatly for your daughter, more than the average mum. Trust in her. Trust that your parenting and her character will allow her to see the truth, the truth about her father. His actions are his decision in regards to his parenting, and she has a right to know her father for what he is. But your parenting means that she will see him for what he is, and she will learn quickly. She will be fine, she has you.”
    I took great comfort from this and it helped me to relax when I used to get so worked up over his vile rantings. We can’t help other people sometimes, they have to see it for themselves, and your arsehole ex cannot be helped. He is simply angry, because you have gained control over yourself where so many others fail, and that makes him feel inferiour. You are showing your strength. He then behaves like most neanderthols and takes the anger out on, or in front of the offspring. His girlfriend is just a twat :-)
    You’re wonderful, keep going. xxx


  44. Ship's Cook says:

    Kana, my heart goes out to your poor kids, it must have been dreadful for them. Well done to Keoni for not decking the guy.he sounds like a really sweet guy and is a great cook to boot! and well done to the two of you for keeping off the bottle.


  45. You are courageous and inspiring, Kana! Sending you big hugs from a snowy Belgium!


  46. Oh dear… take heart and God bless


  47. Beth says:

    Kana, of all the words there are to describe you and Keoni, these would never be the words I would choose. My words would include: beautiful, kind, supportive, inquisitive, strong, loving, teachers, givers and good parents. We are all a collection of adjectives that change depending on the person describing us based on who they are and their baggage. To this asshole you’re his those things based on his personal BS, but to the rest of the world you’re as I described and I think my words are more accurate and true. Armor yourself with the love and support of this community that we all share for you and your family. Kana Tyler, you and Keoni are great and wonderful people and parents.


  48. Caroline says:

    I think there is a strong case here for querying his use of the English Language! The phrase “Drunken Fucking Waste” would infer that you are

    a) Drunk – which is clearly not the case
    b) Fucking – well clearly not at the time and as you are now married and not ‘living in sin’ hardly the correct use of the word. And I defy anyone to fuck waste with any degree of success

    c) Waste. Waste refers to items for disposal.

    I feel that the phrase was totally inapproriate and in no way explained any conditions of the present or indeed of your past.

    His use of adjectives is way off line.

    Perhaps in a calmer moment you could suggest a good English tutor to assist him in being more eloquent in his utterances!!!

    Well done for keeping calm


  49. TheMindOfFreya says:

    Hey I thought I would share this blog with you. It’s one that I follow and today’s post is awesome! I hope you have a great day today. Keep your chin up and stay strong!


  50. Bravo for step-dad’s cool headed behavior in the face of jackassery!!


  51. itsallmanana says:

    Blimey!! Presumably there is no rule about the Non Alcoholic Father having to take a breathaliser test? Well done to Sober Step Dad for keeping his cool and coming out looking like a superhero and BOOOOOOO to the Non Alcoholic Father for coming out of it all looking like an arse.

    As we British say “keep calm and carry on.”



  52. Pat says:

    Kana, I admire both you and Keoni for the loving support you give each other and your children.

    Way to go kids – congratulations on those new karate belts!


  53. Amber Hudson says:

    Kana, you inspire me to be brave enough to write my own skeletons out of the closet. (I’m still unforgiven and bad-mouthed for things I did 11 years ago by my ex.)

    If their childish behavior continues, I suggest contacting law enforcement before another transition from one parent to the next. Abusive behavior should not go unchecked for long.

    Stay strong!


  54. Double ouch. So sorry to hear a good family has to put up with such abuse.

    You’re a magician with words, as always.


  55. notewords says:

    The best revenge is living well. My father never faced up to his drinking problem – I can’t tell you what it would have meant to me if he had just once been honest. You are giving your children that gift every day. Strength and blessings to you all.


  56. ludd72 says:

    Even knowing you’re in the right, this sounds just so hard and unfair – and big hugs to you all for coping with it all with the dignity that you have, rather than taking the easy and infinitely worse way of retaliating in front of the kids.

    And congratulations to the sprogs for their success inwith getting their belts!


  57. Rosewynde says:

    Oh dear : ( So sorry you all had to go through that, especially the kids. It’s so sad when someone can’t forgive and move on and instead insists on slamming the past in your face publicly like that. That was so not right, fair, or even acceptable. *Big Hugs* and blessings to Keoni for keeping his temper and head through all of that, he did the right thing. I hope he can keep it up in the future. I know I would have been livid. *Big Hugs* too to those poor kids for having to put up with that mess as well. Hopefully you’ve had a chance to talk it over with them and help them understand that the ex can’t let it go and has apparently drug the girlfriend into it too : (


  58. The world sometimes seems full of assholes, probably because they get so noisy. I am happy that you and Keoni aren’t in their numbers, and that your children have in you two examples of strength and dignity to draw from. I am sure that episode was confusing and painful for everyone (not to mention infuriating) but being loud and undiagnosed doesn’t make you right, and eventually (if not sooner) that will be evident to all. Except maybe the assholes.


  59. I’m sorry to hear that, “assholes” are a plague and even though I do not know you in person, your blog seem honest enough, and I believe in you.

    Keep faith!


  60. winsomebella says:

    Tough to come up with anything to say that might somehow lighten your burden. Congrats on your sobriety and hugs to you and the children.


  61. eileeneldred says:

    As the daughter of cross-addicted alcoholics who struggled to get and stay sober, I know (in some ways) how strong you’ve had to be for 13 months, how difficult, infuriating, tiring, and heart-breaking your journey has been. Look how you and your husband shine today, though, and a standing ovation to him for his calm in the face of a lunatic’s attack. Yes, kids do see and know; I hate that they are caught in the a$$es BS, but they know…and the Love shines here.

    Ohhh, many congratulations on the stellar belts! That’s a lot of hard work, skill and dedication there! Hugs to you all!


  62. That is freaking unreal. Something seriously has to be wrong with those two!
    I’m glad step-dad had/has the good sense to remain calm and to diffuse that type of situation. A LOT of people probably would have blown their tops. Kudos to him.
    I feel the pain of your children. It is generally difficult to deal with splitting time between two parents, and dealing with each parent’s new partner, but the heaviness of constant agitation and back-and-forth is a LOT for them to deal with. I’m glad that you are open to therapy. I hope that it, and you (and step-dad) can work together to help them to understand, and to cope as best they can.
    And I won’t tell you what I’m fighting not to wish up the father and his girlfriend. UGH!

    And I hope this isn’t in poor taste to say, but you wrote this post very well.


  63. chavisory says:

    I’m really sorry. There should be an AA for assholes.


  64. the urban misanthropist says:

    For what it’s worth…

    Libriumia and I were chatting over the weekend. Now Ellen’s getting closer we were thinking about who the potential baby sitters might be (sounds a bit Machiavellian, but we’re practical that way…)

    ‘You know’, I said, ‘It’s a shame Kana and Keoni live in Idaho, I think they’d be great!’

    Libriumia agrees.

    And I trust our judgement far more than those sods.




  65. As long as the kids see why people shouldn’t drink, then maybe they’ll come out of all this as better people.


  66. granbee says:

    Oh, Kana, please forgive my southern granny sentimentality if I say my heart is absolutely broken for you, Keoni, and your children with newly earned karate belts! You and Keoni have so much going for you, talent and love and wisdom-wise, that I suspect the biological dad and the live-in girlfriend are underneath very insecure and very jealous. Remembr the wonderful post when you used your biology background and your intelligence to reason the 16 year old into seeing the negatives of those all natural supplements he wanted to take? See, that kind of rep and that kind of word gets around, and then every insecure people will twist it all up. That is why I have to simply keep a pleasant, polite distance between myself and certain of my fellow church members. They are always saying, “Of you are are SO–OO smart” and then the “buts” are written all over them as they go off sniffing and snooting! Heads up, hearts ups, hug, hug, hug those kids and have lots of laughs and healthy meals together (so jealous you have Keoni as chef!), okay?


  67. Sandy Sue says:

    God bless you and Sober Stepfather for being the grown-ups and for de-escalating a horrible situation (even though homicide was probably a close second course of action). They only hurt your kids with their behavior. Luckily for those babies, they’ve got you and Keoni to pull them back to center.


  68. The Bus Driver says:

    Whoa. Good for Keoni for keeping it together, and good for you for putting such a clever spin on this completely outrageous situation. My heart goes out to you and your family.


  69. Hermionejh says:

    I don’t like this in the ‘happy this happened’ sense, but I appreciate the post, and was always told how I was the screwed up bitch, controlling witch, blah, blah, blah – and I was sober at that time.
    Being a woman in recovery, or at least having been around the community for a while, I know you know all the helpful catch-phrases, and am glad you are doing whatever it is you need to and can for your serenity. Hang in there!


  70. Fraser says:

    Some people just suck. That was really appalling (them, not you).


  71. workmomad says:

    As the child of parents who got divorced and as an attorney who has seen a few (very few because I dodge family practice cases like the plague) divorce cases with children involved play out, it always seems to me that the first victims are the children. I do wish your Keoni had had a video or tape recording of this conversation; it would have been most enlightening and helpful to the counselor when the children go to see him or her!

    I hate to know that you and your husband and your family have to go through this. I hope it gets better soon.



  72. clarbojahn says:

    I am sorry you had to go through all that and in front of the kids, too. Hopefully they can make up their own mind about how to perceive you and your husband. I am glad you are not stooping as low as your ex in calling him names and in making this drama worse.

    In my experience alcohol in all forms make for illusions that clamor as truth for those who drink. In the dream it is faulty thinking that not all are created equal and love and peace are far away. This is where I lean on my Higher Power and remember we are all brothers and we all are seeking salvation in our own way. And all our paths are different. I will surround you and your family with a circle of light and love.


  73. elroyjones says:

    A waste, to me, is a person wasting their turn at life. Obviously, you are not wasting yours. The only important thing is your kids’ security, as long as they know they’re loved and safe they’ll be okay. Kids are resilient. They know the real deal, deep down inside.


  74. El Guapo says:

    Even with the sarcasm in the post, you seem to be taking this quite well.
    I am righteously indignant on your behalf.


  75. thenorth666 says:

    Hey Kana. I was not expecting this when I clicked on the title of this post – I am so sorry. My own seven-year-old has grown up with an emotionally incapacitated father unable to control his temper and who has only started taking the medication he so desperately needed in the past year (yes…that’s me). But he knows I love him to death, and your kids do too. It struck a chord that you have been honest about your own problems with your kids – I think if you are, they will understand. Thanks for the hit – perhaps a few lines of fantasy can brighten your day. Take care, you.


  76. Ink Festoon says:

    Well, he has just given you an incentive to carry on and prove him wrong! One word springs to mind, ‘transference’. He’s obviously the one with issues. All that matters is that you, your husband and your children carry on as a happy family! :)


  77. BuddhaKat says:

    Kana, Keoni, and kids… I bow to your inner strengths and the growth you nurture as you step through the detritus of past associations. I am saddened at those whose lives are miserable due to their smallness, emotionally, spiritually, and such. And I share your pride in the accomplishments of your strong children. Blessings and Namaste to all of you on your journeys…


  78. I have to join everyone who has commented in support of you and Keoni and the kids. Your ex just doesn’t get it. I wonder what he would think if he read this post and all the comments? May he someday see the reality behind his actions. And unfortunately, that may be the day the kids turn their backs on him forever. One of my greatest teachers was a person who showed me how I NEVER wanted to live my life. I continue to bless her for that, though have no incentive to allow her back into my life. Keep up the good work!


  79. Asshole…there is a special place in Hell for people like him. I’m sorry you and your beautiful children and husband had to live that. You, my dear friend, deserve better. 13 months, after all, is pretty damn amazing.


  80. Kana I’ve been meaning to come back and comment on this ever since you posted, so sorry for the delay! This post made my heart ache for you and your children. Isn’t it always the way that those self-righteous moral high-grounders are the ones that cause so much pain to the children? If they got over themselves and though more about the kids than causing you pain, then they would make life so much easier but I guess thats not what they want! All power to you, keep fighting!


  81. ntexas99 says:

    I’m new to your blog, (found you by way of dan4kent), so it would be rude to comment on something of which I do not know the history. Using this post as a guide, I will say this:

    1) congrats on 13 months sobriety (from a Sober Alcoholic Druggie Waste of Space)
    2) why do KIDS always get to be a part of the insanity? that sucks, big time.
    3) such incidents offer endless opportunities to prove that even grownups get it wrong.
    4) tell those karate kicking kiddos — way to go! crouching tigers / hidden dragons
    5) took a peek at your About page … love the skin stories (have a few of my own)

    nice to meet you … hope to see you around the blogosphere … keep on telling it like it is


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